"your future is as bright as your faith."

-thomas s. monson-

{this may be lengthy, i apologize.} I can still remember the days leading up to when Todd left, so clearly. I can especially, vividly remember those few hours we said goodbye to each other, physically. I can recall feeling absolutely nothing and absolutely everything. It was a numbness and a severe pain. A whirlwind of emotions I will never be able to explain. All I can really say about that was I'm glad it is over with, although, perhaps it was one of my favorite moments shared with my beautiful boy.

Todd and I sat on my couch for a while, cuddling and prolonging our goodbye. We said "I love you" more than I think I've ever said those three words in one day. I remember feeling stupid, because I could barely speak, the tears that were streaming from my eyes were overtaking me, I guess. I wish I could have said more. Luckily, Todd could still talk through his flawless tears, and he said all the right things to help me feel calm. We talked a lot about the future, there. We talked about how much we'd miss each other. I remember, vividly, him saying, "I wouldn't be crying so hard if I didn't love you so much." {Probably one of my very favorite things he's ever told me.}

Finally, he had to go. He took his bag of random gifts I gave him, a tie, photographs, the first letter of many, and whatever else. We held each other as we walked to the front door of my house. We hugged and sobbed. I didn't want to let go. It was the most bittersweet feeling I'veever had. More than anything, I didn't want him to leave me for two years. Yet, at the same time, he was going on a mission! I knew, and still know, there is nothing better to do, at his age, than to serve a mission, and he, my boy, made the phenomenal decision to selflessly give of himself for two full years to Heavenly Father. Nothing, nothing made me more proud. Like I said, it was bittersweet. Nothing will ever compare to that feeling.

We said goodbye. I remember when he took a few steps away from me, I realized I wasn't going to touch him again for two years. Again, I felt that pit in my stomach that I loathed. He walked slowly to his truck. We kept yelling "I love you," "I love you more" to each other. He finally got into his truck, honked three times and drove away. We said goodbye. The worst was over.

I ran into our den and sat in a big chair and cried. I cried long and hard. I didn't know what I was feeling. I remember saying a prayer, through my tears, begging Heavenly Father to help me be happy. I remember pouring my heart out, telling Him exactly what was on my mind. My tears went on a few hours longer, until finally I received a text message from Todd. ":) im set apart honey!"

It was the answer to my prayers I had asked for. All at once, I felt peace, and I felt calm. Todd was officially a missionary, officially Elder Oakey. Finally, all that doubt and sadness that was being held inside of me, disappeared. The only emotion I could feel, was pure happiness, excitement and this fantastic energy. It was incredible. I was so pleased with Todd and his decision, and although I knew I wouldn't be able to physically see him for seven-hundred and thirty days, I knew things would be okay.

We talked solidly the rest of that night, into the morning and clear to the time until his family took him to the MTC. It was amazing, the new energy we both had. Heavenly Father had replaced sadness with happiness, and that emotion was tangible, it was so strong. We're so very blessed.

Now, here I am on June 11, 2010. Elder Oakey has been gone for 150 days, with 580 days left, and I am still feeling those blessings of Todd serving a mission. I won't lie, some days are excruciatingly hard and lonely, but I know, with all my heart, that if I pray with faith to Heavenly Father, he'll give me that same peace and comfort and let me know everything is going to work out. Todd and I can do this. We've got this. We're going to make it. We'll see each other again, and pick up where we left off, sooner than we can imagine.

As strange as it feels to say, I'm actually glad {in a way} that Todd is gone. His absence has helped me in so many ways. My favorite reason: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Boy, is that true for me. I've been able to set many goals for myself to accomplish by the time Todd is back home. Knowing that Todd is a full time missionary, has also helped significantly with my spirituality. My scripture reading and daily prayer have increased and are more powerful and meaningful, now. I feel like I have to grow in faith to really be worthy of Todd when he gets back. He is spiritually progressing, so I, too, should be. I'm setting more goals for myself, like to learn how to be a good wife and mother. I'm trying to mature as much as needed to be a good homemaker.

Lastly, I'm striving to be more Christlike. Todd got to call me from the airport when he flew to Brazil, and he told me something that has made a lasting impression on me. He told me to be active in the gospel for myself. At first, I don't think I totally understood what that meant, but after I thought about it for sometime, it all made sense to me. I have to be a good church member, be active in the gospel, etc. because I want to. Because I have the faith to. Because I have the drive and the want to do so. So I can prove my worthiness to my Father in Heaven. Not so I can make men proud, not to get attention, not to make someone envy me, etc. It had to be something I had to do, so I could be worthy to return with Heavenly Father, one day. The more I thought about this, I knew the way to do it, was to strive to be Christlike and do my best to do as He would do. {I'm sorry if this doesn't all make sense, its hard to get some of these feelings and thoughts out in words.}

Throughout his mission, Todd has taught me so much more, that perhaps I'll share as I continue to wait for him, but for now, I just felt the need to publicly share my testimony of missionary work, faith and, prayer. I also know, just like Heavenly Father was there for me in my time of need, He will, too, come to your aid if you ask for Him in faith.