some rambles in my head

Its just a well-known fact, we all go through trials throughout our whole lives. I would by lying if I didn't say the last little bit of my life has been the biggest trial I've experienced thus far in my twenty years of life. My apologies, but I'm not going to say what my trial is. (Actually, there are several trials I'm in at the moment...) Its crazy though, I have learned so much during this traumatic situation I find myself in. The most significant thing I have learned, without a doubt, is that Heavenly Father's plan is bigger than me and it isn't MY way, but HIS way. Always. Although I'm still in the process of learning how to live this new way, already I am seeing that this, what's happening, is good. I'm honestly not even sure why, but I can feel that its good when I allow myself to calm down and strive to see His point of view.

Often times, especially lately, I say/tell people I wish I had a crystal ball so I could peer into it and see how my future was going to turn out so I could live my life accordingly. I regret saying that, now, I think. Don't get me wrong, I would adore the chance to learn all about future-ChelseaKate, but I've realized I actually like being clueless, confused and overwhelmed. Let me rephrase that, I actually really despise feeling this way BUT I know because of these feelings and this trial I'm going through, in the future I'm going to look back at this small moment in time and realize that it has shaped me, significantly, because I know this will. One day I'll look back at what I'm going through, now, and smile and be (hopefully) proud of myself for enduring it with a whole bunch of faith, hope and trust. Really, that is what I've been striving to do. I've been on my knees more this past week than I have in a long time, I've read the scriptures with so much more passion and interest than I ever have and I've been able to see that I am a strong girl when I put myself in the Lord's hands and live the way He wants me to. It has really reminded me that all things are possible through God. The best thing its reminded me is that I will never be put through something I can't handle. I'm not going to lie, more often than I'd like to admit, I feel like falling over dead and quitting on this journey, but I know I'd be denying myself on everything life has to offer me.

As for this lovely (haha) thing I'm going through, it hurts worse than any pain mental, physical, emotional I've ever been in, but I know with all of my heart, without a shadow of a doubt, its going to work out perfectly. Just how it should be. Maybe it will be the way I want it to, truly, I feel like it will. But you know, maybe it won't. But one thing is for sure...it's going to work out the way that, in the end, will make me the happiest.

"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end."