baby monkey :]

My dad showed us this video last night...it is my new favorite. Ever.

I love that someone felt the need to put a brilliant song to this little film.

Why Not?

I have a a few serious questions. 

Why, in life, are we always so dependent on living for someone else? You know? Why do we constantly have to have someone linked to us to feel happy? Why, oh why, can't we ever feel happy just being by ourselves? Better yet, why can't we live for ourselves?! Don't you think that would be the epitome of perfect?

Why do we have to be so involved in other peoples lives? Why do we always have to know who so-and-so is dating, who he has kissed, who the cute girl everyone loves has her eye on, why she works the (to some people odd/stupid/silly/etc.) way she does, the reasons that cute couple decided to end their relationship, etc?

Now, the most important "why" on my mind...

Why are we constantly comparing ourselves to someone else? Why do we allow ourselves to get caught up in the hype of being fake? Why do we overwhelm ourselves with the want of being paper thin and more tan than your neighbor? So unnaturally tan that people behind your back, talk about how silly you look.. Why aren't we ever good enough? Why don't we ever look in the mirror and say, "Dang! I'm looking HOT today?" instead of dwelling on all of the flaws, the pimples, the hair that won't stay in place, the crooked teeth, the messy make up, the excess skin, and so on and so forth.

Why can't we make an attempt to love ourselves exactly the way we are? Not love ourselves in some areas and hate ourselves in others.. I am talking loving ourselves FULLY!

I was talking to a very wise friend of mine the other day and she told me {texted me} something I won't soon forget. She said,


"I'm trying to look at my acne and my love handles, messy hair and flabby arms as a good thing. It is an opportunity I have to not only work harder of caring for my outer self but for finding out that my inner self is more important. I'm trying to remind myself daily that even though hardly anything goes my way, its because in the end it wouldn't make me 100% happy. God knows what to do with me and I am working on trusting Him with all of my heart. When I'm a little old woman laying on my death bed, I can't wait to look back at my life and finally see why everything worked out. I know you want to see how its going to work out right now, but lets be serious, it'd ruin all the fun!" 


Hearing that, in all honesty, changed my life. (thanks friend, you know who you are)


Another quote I've always loved,


"30 years from now it won't matter what shoes you wore, how your hair looked or what jeans you bought; what will matter is what you learned and how you used it."

In the end it isn't going to matter who loves who and why stupid things happened and why that person always looked down on you or why that cute guy/girl broke your heart on that sad day. The things that are going to really matter to you are how you handled the situation, no matter how sticky. The little moments that shaped you into the person you are, the view you had of yourself and the world around you, and the good people you surrounded yourself with are really going to be what mattered.


....I apologize, I'm bad at these "inspirational," if you will, speeches, I never seem to get my point across as well as I'd like to.


What I'm really trying to say is we've only got one life to live. We only have one shot at this and don't you think you'd be awfully miserable if you looked back on your life and saw that you were that person who was constantly worried about what your peers think of you? Wouldn't you be sad if you realized you were never truly happy because you were always stressed about those extra few pounds? Don't you think you'd be sad if you saw you wasted much of your precious time wishing for a former love to return to you when in the back of your mind you know whatever is meant to be will work out so perfectly? Wouldn't it be sad to see you wasted your life wishing and not living?


***I used the word 'we' a lot in this post, mostly because I like to think that I'm not the only person in the world (or who reads this blog) that does this.

The fact is, I do this all the time. I'm obsessed with my imperfections and the drama in my life and in the world around me. I haven't taken the time to find the real beauty in me and I regret it. But, hey! I'm twenty-years young, I've still got a lot of time ahead of me...so why not start now?

What do you say?! Try it with me?!

imma belieber

Since JB began I knew I was a major fan.

I've never been ashamed to say I have a severe case of Bieber Fever.

His movie?

{never say never}

...It just confirmed and enhanced the love I have for this pretty boy.

mmmmmmmmmm... bieber.

:) 

nothing-ness

In the stage of life I'm currently in, I would NOT consider myself a very busy person.

No like really, I am free as a bird. Very, very free.

My days typically consist of sleeping in, watching tv, going on rides, exercising, eating, napping, playing with my lovely friends, playing with my dandy family, hangin' on the computer, getting mindlessly lost in Tetris on my phone, etc.

I know, I know, I'm such a productive person. (blah)

Don't worry, this life style is driving me madly crazy, I'm going to begin becoming productive and an active member of society, once again, shortly.

However, in these countless hours of nothing-ness, I've had some of the best moments. Especially with my fabulous sister, Miss Adi.

Adi: She loves to dance, move, wiggle, talk, sing, jump, run, skip, do hand-stands, and well...do ANYTHING & EVERYTHING that is active.

When Adi and I are left alone together, I've found that we always end up dressed up in silly outfits in an empty room with the iPod blasting a good song either crazy-dancing OR she is choreographing a dance for the two of us. {savannah is involved in this sometimes, it just depends on her mood} Its amazing. I'm burning calories, having a grand time with one of my bestest friends and I'm actually doing something other than sitting and starting at a wall, which is what I feel like my life consists of, lately. (blah)

BUT

When I sit back and think about it (because i have lots of time to think about it) I've come to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing wrong with this nothing-ness I'm involved in.

The most valuable lesson I've learned is this: NOTHING-NESS=EVERYTHING.

You're right, that sounds stupid. But in my head it sounds real moving. 

It is beautiful. I'm learning things and I'm being given the opportunity to really bond with the people around me...you know, when I'm with people and not technology... I've also been able to get to know myself better, as cheesy as that sounds, because I've had so much time to myself. Time to think, time to cry, time to laugh, time to find out what I really like, etc. I've been able to play with my sisters and get to be even closer with them, if that is at all possible. I have been able to see so much more of my gorgeous friends, who for a while I very rarely saw, I've been able to have some major laugh-attacks with my mom and talk with my cute daddy, even more. 

Last night Adi and I were down in the basement dancing to a loud, repetitive techno song when a life-lesson struck me right then and there. Its good to do "nothing," sometimes. Not all the time. But sometimes. (Believe me, I've learned some deep things whilst being so lazy and sluggish.) 

Mom, don't fret, I'm not saying I'm going to stay lazy. 

As I've said, I'm about to become active again. I'm going to go job-hunting, I'll stress myself out with school next semester and I'll be out in public more. Its going to be good, guys. I'll have purpose, again!! Whoohoo! :) 

For now, however, I'm going to embrace this nothing-ness time and I'm going to like it. After all, who knows when I'll really be this free again! 

Adi? Thanks, babe. Thanks for helping me realize this phase of life I'm going through isn't so completely dreary and useless. Love you, Lu.

adi & i lost in that magical "nothing-ness"

{told you my room was messy...}

The good ol' 'Ville

I teach primary. Sunbeams, to be exact. I have six of the cutest three-year olds on the planet in my class. I'm a lucky teacher.

Today in Singing Time, our cute chorister came up with this cute idea where she'd pull a child's name from a pot and then, the cute little kiddie got to come up and choose a heart that they'd open. Inside would be words like, "all the girls," "everyone who owns a dog," "everyone wearing brown shoes," etc. Then, the kids who fell under the specific category would sing the song we were working on.

It was cute and the kids loved it. Win.

One of the categories inside one of the hearts was, "everyone who lives in Springville."

Of course, most kids in Jr. Primary know that we all  live in Springville. My sweet Sunbeams don't quite know that though. Upon hearing, "everyone who lives in Springville," all of my cute kids jumped out of their seats, practically shaking and exclaiming incredibly happily, "I LIVE IN SPRINGVILLE!" grabbing our legs with their eyes wide and filled with joy.

Who knew living in Springville was such a big, important deal. Us Springville-ians are some fortunate individuals, I suppose!

K, dang, this story doesn't sound nearly as cute typed out here, so maybe you had to be there to witness just how adorable it was. Just believe me, though, if you were there, you, like the rest of the adults in the room, would have cracked up.

Its the cutest thing to see their innocence and excitement over the small and simple things. I have the best calling ever.

i simply remember my favorite things and then i don't feel so bad

Today I did more learning. 

Actually, I've known all these things all along, but today {and throughout these past few weeks) I've been reminded that I am surrounded by the most incredible people on this little earth we live on. Why am I so lucky? I don't know, but the fact remains...I am.

I have the worlds most supportive and loving family. {daddy, mommy, savannah, adi}I'm convinced each of them would drop anything for me and for my happiness. Every day all four of them find a way to show me how much they love me and care for me. Its incredible how fabulous they are. All a person needs is their families love to have a good day. I've learned this, lately. The days I've shut myself in my room are much worse than when I go talk to my parents or play with my beautiful sisters. Simply, I love them with all my heart.

I have the two most amazing aunts. (meredith, julie) As I've stated in my previous post, I'm going through a really hard time, but these two have given me so much advice, support and love. Best of all, they've listened to me complain and vent out my feelings no matter how psycho they are and they tell me its okay. I love them so much, I'm so grateful that as I've got older we've been able to bond so much more and I've been able to hear the stories of their pasts and learn from them. They are such great examples to me. They're amazing and I'm so thankful I'm lucky enough to be their niece.

I have grandparents who are so caring and selfless. (grandma & grandpa walker, grandma & grandpa brown) No matter what, my whole life, my grandparents have been there for me. They've always shown their extreme love and care for me and remind me always that they are there for me. The best things they've done for me are boost my self-esteem. There's just nothing better than a grandparent telling you what a strong, great girl you are.

I have the best friends ever, ever, EVER. (whitney, chelsea, cassie, sarah, kourtney, jenna, kelsie, amy & more) These girls have kept me sane. They only want the best for me and are helping me fight to get it even when I don't feel like fighting. Whenever I need to talk it out, dance it out, sing it out, cry it out, ride it out, eat it out, etc. they are up and ready for it and it always works. These girls were put in my life for a reason, no doubt about it. Love you ladies.

Last and certainly not least, I have Heavenly Father. You know that phrase, "I'd be dead without him/her/them." ? Maybe that isn't really true about everyone, but for me, it is 100% true when it comes to Him. There is nothing more amazing to me than the fact that He is always there to listen to me and help me and show me how much He loves me. That right there is reason enough to never be sad again, I just wish I always saw it that way!


The main lesson I learned today as I was driving home from my beautiful friends home, was this: I've been dwelling so much on the negative and severely neglecting the positive. The positive being the extraordinary people I've listed above, of course. Yep, life is a pain in the bum right now and its harder than hard, but with these people around, it can be a heck of a lot better. They're here for me no matter what. I just need to remember that, better, and for sure I'll be back to normal (probably even better) in no time.

Thanks everyone, I LOVE YOU.


{ps i'm sorry for all the sappy heart-felt posts, lately. i'm just one of those people who write things out to help heal myself...}

some rambles in my head

Its just a well-known fact, we all go through trials throughout our whole lives. I would by lying if I didn't say the last little bit of my life has been the biggest trial I've experienced thus far in my twenty years of life. My apologies, but I'm not going to say what my trial is. (Actually, there are several trials I'm in at the moment...) Its crazy though, I have learned so much during this traumatic situation I find myself in. The most significant thing I have learned, without a doubt, is that Heavenly Father's plan is bigger than me and it isn't MY way, but HIS way. Always. Although I'm still in the process of learning how to live this new way, already I am seeing that this, what's happening, is good. I'm honestly not even sure why, but I can feel that its good when I allow myself to calm down and strive to see His point of view.

Often times, especially lately, I say/tell people I wish I had a crystal ball so I could peer into it and see how my future was going to turn out so I could live my life accordingly. I regret saying that, now, I think. Don't get me wrong, I would adore the chance to learn all about future-ChelseaKate, but I've realized I actually like being clueless, confused and overwhelmed. Let me rephrase that, I actually really despise feeling this way BUT I know because of these feelings and this trial I'm going through, in the future I'm going to look back at this small moment in time and realize that it has shaped me, significantly, because I know this will. One day I'll look back at what I'm going through, now, and smile and be (hopefully) proud of myself for enduring it with a whole bunch of faith, hope and trust. Really, that is what I've been striving to do. I've been on my knees more this past week than I have in a long time, I've read the scriptures with so much more passion and interest than I ever have and I've been able to see that I am a strong girl when I put myself in the Lord's hands and live the way He wants me to. It has really reminded me that all things are possible through God. The best thing its reminded me is that I will never be put through something I can't handle. I'm not going to lie, more often than I'd like to admit, I feel like falling over dead and quitting on this journey, but I know I'd be denying myself on everything life has to offer me.

As for this lovely (haha) thing I'm going through, it hurts worse than any pain mental, physical, emotional I've ever been in, but I know with all of my heart, without a shadow of a doubt, its going to work out perfectly. Just how it should be. Maybe it will be the way I want it to, truly, I feel like it will. But you know, maybe it won't. But one thing is for sure...it's going to work out the way that, in the end, will make me the happiest.

"It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters in the end."

the end.

Day ten is a picture of your room. My room is scary, currently. Its seen much better days. We're talking pictures all over the floor, my scrapbook stuff everywhere, guitar music scattered about, clothes strewn willy-nilly throughout the place...I even have a baby crib in my room right now.

So looks like that "fun" activity only lasted nine days. Because I am not going to embarrass myself and put up any pictures of my cold little cave I sleep in.

Maybe I should go clean it, now...

nine {btw...pretty sure i'm only doing 10 days}

day 9: the person

that has

got you through

the most

this little person is my mommy.

just a few years ago.

:)

day 8

a picture that makes you laugh

easy. these two.

seven {anyone else think this game is getting kind of old?}

maybe i'll just do ten days.

day seven: a picture of your best friend and a letter to them.

This one was hard because I don't have just one best friend.

So I tried to think of which friend I was currently closest to and it turns out I have more then one in that department, too.

So then I thought of who I've been closest to the longest and thats when the two most beautiful girls popped into my head. 

Dear Savannah & Adeline,

I LOVE YOU. Thank you for being my very best friends and being the best sisters ever, ever, ever. You two are adorable, beautiful and I'd be one sad lady without you two. You two are my heroes and my best examples. I am constantly trying to be like you two, you're both my idols. I love our friendship and the fact that we get along so well. You two help me with everything, even if you aren't aware of it. Your stunning smiles are what get me through the day and your funny personalities are the best. You two are perfect and don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise...or else I'll have to whip out my karate ;) LOVE YOU BUG & LU.

Cheoche.

day SIX

day 6: a picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

SHAKIRA

no doubt.

Know what I'd do all day?

Dance.

FiVe

day 5: a picture of your favorite memory


             {this one is hard because i have about 8,000 favorite memories. but heres 5.}

any & any disney trip i've been on

graduation. actually, graduation itself was kind of long and boring...but the fact that i graduated from high school and am now d.o.n.e. with that... :) THATS  a good memory.

temple square with todd

our families arizona/colorado/southern utah trip.

easter is a good memory and all, but thats not what i'm getting at here. the memories of when savannah and adi were born are the best. they're my favorite memory.