twenty-eleven

2011.

Is it really only May? Goodness, I tell you what, 2011 has been the longest year of my life and I'm not even half way through it! Sheesh. I think it would be safe to say that my life has been a 24/7 chaotic whirlwind since mid-January to this very day and truly, the chaos isn't showing any sings of stopping anytime soon. ::deep, cleansing breathe:: In these five months, my limits have been tried time after time, my faith has been challenged, my standards have been tested and my mental state has been abused on thousands of occasions. 

I'll admit, several times a week I'll throw a full-blown pity party for myself. Its a party of one (me) in my room including lots of kleenex, a blankie and lots of emotion. Sounds fun, huh? (The answer, by the way, is no. H, no.) All year I have been so completely overwhelmed with my future. I'm terrified, excited, anxious, curious and most of all, stressed out about what is to come of it. Really, I don't know why I struggle so much with being content and focused on my "now," but it is a serious problem of mine. I'm always looking ahead or looking back and never giving much attention to where I'm currently at. Ah, yes, its really something I need to work on because as hard as it is to believe, I hear one day I'll actually miss these days. 

Today I had the great opportunity to spend some time with some of my closest friends and as usual, we covered nearly 10,000 topics. One topic that really was interesting to me is when my dear and lovely friends Cassie and Chelsea were talking about how sometimes they'll get really caught up in their struggles and be discouraged with their lives and just not be happy at all. We all have those days, you know? Then, they said they always feel so bad about doing so because they'll hear about someone else who has it so much worse and is going through something so much harder and they feel very sorry for them and want to do something kind for them.

It just left me thinking... Its true, someone always has it worse. 

Then my thoughts began to continue as I thought of all the times I've been taught that when you are discouraged, a great way to cheer yourself up is to serve someone else. Then there was the thought that I tell myself, daily, Heavenly Father will never, never, ever put me through a trial that I can't handle and overcome. Between these thoughts, I think I learned a lot tonight and even had some prayers answered as to how I can become more happy and content with my life and my "now." I am so thankful that God answers prayers in such clever ways, such as prompting your friends to say something that leads you into a deep thought process that ends up teaching you a lot about what you need to do with yourself.

With this in mind, 2011 doesn't scare me as much as it did earlier, today, and throughout the year, so far. I understand that in the days to come I may falter and really struggle with things, again, but I hope that I can always remember what I learned and reminded myself tonight and find some peace, again. I hope that I can remind myself that Heavenly Father has the grand plan and understands everything and that He is putting me through this long trial for a very, very good reason that is going to somehow make my life a million times more beautiful than it would have been if I had not experienced it. Life is hard, but I think thats what makes it worth it. We're all on earth to be tested, after all...and some tests aren't easy! :] 

So, 2011? BRING IT!

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers." 
— Gordon B. Hinckley